The Lolita Complex of Haruhi Suzumiya
by 7MukuroRealm7
Summary: Since all my stories have been serious lately, I decided to do a rackfic on a serious topic. Imouto-chan is being followed, so Kyon and Haruhi set out to find the stalker, but run into an interesting twist, which you have to read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Mukuro: First off, I'd like to verify that this is based off of a certain chapter in superstarultras' crackfic story. I would like to verify that this is not a copy of his story, nor is it even closely related. It is my idea, with an inspiration from his stories.

Now that I'm done with THAT disclaimer, now I have to move on to THIS diclaimer… damn…

Disclaimer: No matter how much I want to, I don't own Suzumiya Haruhi. Or the series.

* * *

The Lolita Complex of Haruhi Suzumiya

"Um… Kyon…" My adorable yet annoying little sister stood in the doorway to my room.

"Yeah? What do you want?" And do you have to call me Kyon?

"Um… I think I'm being stalked…" These words brought my breathing slower than the time it takes me to get up in the morning. Did my sister seriously say she's getting stalked?

"Did you seriously say you're getting stalked?" No way. I refuse to believe this.

"Y-yeah… when I go to the pool with my friends, I sometimes feel like someone's watching me change… and when I'm walking to school, I feel like I'm being followed… Kyon, I'm so scared!"

"It's alright, but what do you want me to do about it? Should I call mom and dad?"

"No… just Haruhi-chan…"

"Okay, please, I really don't want to call Haruhi…"

"Why not?"

"Well, if I tell Haruhi, something like this will happen:"

Kyon Theatre

It was a nice day in the clubroom, when…

"Kyon! Did you just say that your sister's being stalked?!"

"Well, yeah…"

"Unforgiveable! I can't let someone stalk our little girl character!"

"Little girl character?"

"Yes. It is also known as a Lolita Complex. It is when we use Imouto-chan to use her little girl charms to get men with Lolita complexes to do what we say!"

"What the hell are you planning to do to my little sister?!"

"Never mind the details, Kyon! We need to follow your sister, so we can find the stalker!"

Later…

"Okay, let's find the guy! Huh? That guy looks suspicious!" She suddenly said, pointing at the geeky guy walking towards her.

"DIE STALKERRRRRRRRRRRR!" Haruhi's war cry, which could break the spirit of 20 bodybuilders, suddenly burst from her throat at the same time she burst from the alley we were hiding in.

"What the hell?!" The geeky guy shouted, suddenly scared of what was going to happen to him.

"YOU! How dare you stalk this helpless little girl?!"

"Wait! I just wanted directions!"

"Yeah?! To where, the inside of her panties?!"

"NO!"

"Face divine penalty!" Haruhi shouted, pulling her fist back.

"Wait, what are you-"

"DIE!"

"I just wanted directions to the Libraryyyyyy!"

Theatre End

* * *

"-So you see why I can't talk to Haruhi about this?"

"Nope!" She said, giving me that cute smile of hers.

Oh, well, I guess I have to tell Haruhi.

It was a nice day in the clubroom, when…

"Kyon! Did you just say that your sister's being stalked?!"

"Well, yeah…"

"Unforgiveable! I can't let someone stalk our little girl character!"

"Little girl character?"

"Yes. It is also known as a Lolita Complex. It is when we use Imouto-chan to use her little girl charms to get men with Lolita complexes to do what we say!" Suddenly, I got the eeriest case of déjà vu, as if I'd seen this before. Well, probably nothing.

"What the hell are you planning to do to my little sister?!"

"Never mind the details, Kyon! Alright Brigade Member's, this is our plan of attack!"

* * *

Mukuro: That's all! For now… (Laugh's Evilly) So, who do you think this stalker is?

Find out in the next chapter!

Mukuro Out


	2. Chapter 2

Mukuro: Welcome back to another exciting installment. And let me just confirm, none of you got it right. Not even close. (Well, some did.) And if they were right, I certainly wouldn't say it here. So why the heck am I doing an AN, anyway?

Disclaimer: No matter how much I want to, I don't own Suzumiya Haruhi. Or the series.

The Lolita Complex of Haruhi Suzumiya

* * *

"Sigh… Haruhi can be such trouble."

"I quite agree with you. I certainly have much better things to do with my Sunday than to sit in a dumpster all day waiting for some stalker to appear." That was Koizumi, who, I might add, is right next to me in a cramped dumpster.

"Liar. You're perfectly happy doing whatever asinine idea Haruhi wants."

"Oh, did I come off that way? I'm sorry, but I have to follow through with my personality. In reality, I actually don't like doing this at all."

"So it's just one of those mask things you were talking about?"

"Basically speaking, yes."

Okay, let me back up as to why the two of us are sitting in a dumpster.

Flashback

"Okay, first off, we need to confirm who Imouto-chan's stalker is. We will do this by having members of the SOS brigade strategically positioned at special places along this alley, where we will have Imouto-chan here walking around in revealing clothes." Haruhi said, pointing at a diagram of some alley.

"Mikuru-chan, you will be positioned inside building A, right here" she said, pointing to a cosmetic store on one side.

"Then what?"

"You will stare at make-up and perfume, but only bottles by a window that looks out to the alley, so you can see if any suspicious people are there."

"Okay."

"Yuki, you will be positioned in building B, on the opposite side" she said, pointing at the library.

"Affirmative."

"Your instructions are basically the same as Mikuru's, but you are supposed to look at books near the alley."

She then turned to Koizumi and I.

"Kyon, since you're the most pathetic brigade member, you will have Koizumi's assistance in your hiding place. You two will hide in the dumpster next to Imouto-chan, okay?"

"Of course."

"Good. I'll be positioned on the roof with the binoculars, and with Tsuruya-san's air support, we'll catch that thief red handed. But remember, I don't want any of you getting hurt."

Could Haruhi be developing a conscience?

"…therefore, when we do see the stalker, I want Kyon to attack him alone, no matter what sort of weapons he has. Any complaints? …Not you, Kyon."

"Let me say something, at least!"

"Okay, all men get out! I need to change Imouto-chan's clothes!"

"What? Why?"

"We can't attract a stalker with a girl in street clothes! She has to be wearing something sexy!"

"What if this guy has kid clothes fetish? Maybe he likes girls in street clothes!"

"Just get out!"

* * *

"So, Kyon, do you remember what I said about people wearing the masks of society?"

"Yeah, why?" I said, trying to get my mind off of Imouto-chan's screams.

"Well, I was just thinking, the stalker might be a person in the SOS brigade."

"How do you figure?"

"Think about it. Everyone here is acting around Suzumiya-san, even you. So, would it be that unbelievable for one of them to be stalking your little sister?"

"Well, I don't want to believe it…"

"But it could be anyone. I could be Asahina-san, Nagato-san, even… me…"

"I don't want to think about that."

"Kyon! You can come in now!" Haruhi shouted, kicking open the door I was leaning on.

"Ow! What the-" My anger stopped when I saw how Haruhi had dressed up my little sister.

Damn it! She's my sister I can't have a nosebleed!

"So, what do you think?" Haruhi said, putting her hand on my sisters' head. "Pretty cute, huh?"

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Come on Kyon! Just do it for your sister!"

"Geeze…"

Flashback end.

"So, do you think this stalker will show up?"

"Personally? No. I don't want to fight some psycho stalker, thank you very much."

"Well, you probably won't have much of a choice. I Suzumiya-san wishes for there to be a stalker to come, then one there shall be."

"I know, and that's the annoying part of it."

"Well, when he does show up, good luck."

But, that day the stalker never showed up. And not the next week, either. Or the week after, or the week after, but my sister can still claim she is being stalked.

* * *

So, today I am testing a theory. If, as Koizumi said, she was being stalked by a member of the SOS Brigade, then if I follow her without notifying them, I might be able to catch the stalker red handed.

"Hm? Who's that?" I said, staring at the figure darting around garbage cans, following my sister to school.

Just as the person was about to move out from behind the trashcan, I grabbed their shoulder and whirled them around so I could see their face.

"You?!" And I couldn't believe who it was.

* * *

Mukuro: How's that for a cliffhanger? I mean, come on! If I want his story to go anywhere, I can't end it in two chapters! That would be no fun for me! Anyway, you would think it would be really obvious. Look at the next chapter to find out who this stalker is, I swear!

Mukuro Out


End file.
